Holy cow, it is February. Can you believe it is February? I feel like I totally skipped December and January. Perhaps that is because I was so sick, I couldn’t really tell day from night. Well, I am still like that, perhaps even more so, but the little block thing on the bottom of my screen shows a 2, thus reminding me that it is indeed February. On one hand, I feel as though time has flown by. I am now 20 weeks into my pregnancy, and I look at that number and I can’t believe how quickly time went by. But then I remember that I am not due until July, and I feel like throwing a fit because it is so far away. Trust me, if you were having my pregnancy you would throw a fit too. Between the numerous doctors appointments, the trips to the ER, and the constant threat of dehydration and malnourishment, not to mention the fact that I am seriously debating on getting an air mattress for my bathroom, you would be counting down to July like me.

The past few months have been filled with ups and downs. Of course the downs have been really affecting me lately, especially my sanity. I have always mentioned that I am not meant to be a stay at home mother, but I find I have no choice. With how sick I have been, my doctor has withdrawn me from work. It is something very difficult for me. I love my job, and it stresses me out exponentially to not be there. Not to mention when they did release me to go back, I was only there for 2 days before I ended up in the ER. During my brief stint there, I couldn’t help but feel that people were mad that I had been out of work. In fact, I had pretty much received the silent treatment. It’s not really all that common for women to become so sick during pregnancy that they can’t work, so I think a lot of them feel as though I am taking advantage of the situation. I mean, most woman work until the day they give birth! It really depressed me to be treated that way. They just don’t understand how sick I am. Let’s just say that my best friend right now is made of porcelain. I think I spend more time with it, than I do my own husband! I have lost over 12% of my body weight, have had a very difficult time keeping food down, and even fluids. I have very little strength, and can hardly go a few hours without upchucking whatever actually made it to my stomach. My doctor thinks I will be out of work for a long time, at least until my 3rd trimester. That is 8 weeks away. I am left wondering if I will even have a job to go back to. It is driving me batty.

Along with work, I have also lost a lot of my independence, which is something that I have always valued. I am having difficulty completing even the simplest tasks without help from my husband and family. I am very weak, and can’t be out too much without becoming sick. I can’t even go grocery shopping. I can’t even go with my husband grocery shopping. I go crazy cooped up in the house all day. I can’t really even go out to visit my family who live right down the street unless someone drives me. My medication severely limits my ability to drive, and by limit I mean doesn’t allow me to. I know its for the best for the baby, but man does it affect one’s sanity after a few days… never mind a few months.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my sickness is also affecting the baby. She, yes another girl which we are stoked about, is growing at a slow rate, and measuring a little smaller than she is supposed to be. My doctor is not overly concerned yet, but is keeping a close eye on her development. This condition usually causes preterm labor, so it could be very risky to have her developing slower than normal and going early. All of this makes one stressed out, depressed mama.

Though the downs have been harrowing, we have had some great news. My husband has finally been able to find a job and started today. We found out a few weeks ago, coincidentally the very same day I was rushed to the ER after falling due to dehydration and was told I wouldn’t be going to work. Him having a job has helped my stress levels tremendously. If my work does let me go, at least we will still have income. The other good news is, as I mentioned, that we found out we are having another girl. My family is really good at making girls. This will be the 5th baby in the past three years, and the 5th girl! The first boy in this generation is still up for grabs, so my sister and cousins better get cracking!

Despite this, I know that in the end it will be worth it. I will say this though, this mama is done producing. No more babies for me! I don’t think I could survive another round of this!

Have any of you experienced sickness like this? Could I trouble you for some advice? And yes, trust me, I have tried ginger ale and crackers, didn’t work!

Sincerely,

One depressed, stressed out, sick mommy