Universal Law: Mondays Must Suck

Today is one of those days where “I just can’t even.” Literally, stapling papers together today seems like an odious chore. I look at my expenses that need sorting, and its giving me a stress headache. Don’t even get me started on my email inbox. The glaring (180) next to the line Unread Inbox may send me into an all over panic attack.

Perhaps its because I took Friday off to take the kiddos to Disney on Ice – (Seriously? $15 for a damn lemonade? Disney sure is ridiculous!). I am always out of whack after a long weekend, or a vacation. Perhaps its because I stayed up too late watching T.V. with my husband last night, knowing full well that my alarm would go off at 5:30 A.M. with annoyingly accurate precision. Or, most likely, its because no matter what happened, today is Monday and universal law decrees that Mondays must suck. I’m going to go with that.

Plus my hair is having a shit-fit. And I have a blister from my shoe. Why don’t we just add in a zit and make this an extra special Monday? I need more coffee to combat this.

So, how is your Monday going? If you say good, I may hurt you.

Is It Seriously Winter Already?

I know. Before you say it, I know I had wished for Fall to come just a few months ago. The thing is, I wished for FALL. Not Winter. I dislike Winter for the most part. Yes I love the holiday season, and the happy, joyful feel, but lets face it, that ends after New Years. The worst part of winter is easily commuting in the Winter. So far we have had a few little scattered flurries, but it was enough to make each highway I have to drive on a freaking parking lot. I can only imagine my commute time when the snow actually sticks to the ground. I am not looking forward to it. I have to be at work by 9, therefore I will need to leave my house at… 6 am. Oh and getting home for dinner? Sure. If I left at 3. But no. I leave at 6. Are you seeing the awesomeness yet?

Snow Traffic

Oh sweet traffic. How I despise you.

It’s not just snow I have to worry about. There are two things worse than snow. Black ice- it’s a serious bitch- and other drivers. That’s right. If someone even thinks they see snow, they immediately turn into moron. OMG It’s a snowflake! MUST STOMP ON BRAKE AND CAUSE MULTI-CAR ACCIDENT! This may not be the exact thought process, but it might as well be. Come on people. We are New Englanders. Snow is a part of life. Get over it.

It’s amusing because in January, everyone is all ahhh! Snow! then all of a sudden March hits, and we have had snow storm after snow storm and suddenly we are all we are only getting 14 inches? What a joke. That’s not a snow storm! I could drive my Prius to work in that! (If you own a Prius, stop reading my blog. Hate those cars…) However, they still suck because they don’t know how to drive in snow.

Anyone else find this bi-polarness annoying? It makes traffic that much more irritating. How? Because this is how it goes…

Driver sees snow. Driver immediately turns into idiot and doubts his ability to drive in snow. Driver causes accident. Everyone else thinks Oh no! It must be bad out, he got into an accident! Everyone else turns into an idiot and forgets how to drive in snow. They slow down. Traffic backs up. I turn into a raging monster. I run late for work. I run late getting home. The world suddenly sucks.

OR

Driver sees snow. Thinks this isn’t snow! Driver immediately turns into idiot and overestimates his awesomeness. Begins speeding. Driver causes accident. Everyone else thinks He must be new here, look at him! Can’t even drive in a little snow! They immediately speed up and overestimate their awesomeness. They get in accidents. Traffic backs up. I turn into a raging monster. I run late for work. I run late getting home. The world still sucks.

It’s a lose lose situation. A bit dramatic? NOT AT ALL. (Okay maybe a little…)

Ice Storm

Seriously… Do you just say eff it and hibernate until spring when this happens?

Alright I am done with my rant, sort of. And no, it is not snowing. My car door was frozen shut this morning. I literally stood there yanking at my door trying to open it. When I finally did, the rubber part surrounding my door came off and I had to put it back. Then my windows were frozen shut and I couldn’t roll down my window to order my coffee. I actually had to get out of my car and go into Starbucks. I parked and opened my door and stepped right into a nice freezing puddle. All of this only served to infuriate me as it means winter really is coming. (cue GOT reference go go!)

I think I may hibernate this winter. And by hibernate I mean build a fort in my living room and refuse to come out until winter is over.

Oh, Good Morning Monday

It is Monday, our favorite day of the week. I am starting to think that Monday isn’t just a day, but an actual entity. And it hates me. With a burning passion. My day started like this;

Woke up to baby crying. Hubby decides that he can ignore the baby, even though its his turn to get up. He doesn’t. So I do. It is 4 AM. I get baby to fall back asleep, for an hour. She is up again. This time I elbow the hubby and he reluctantly gets up, re-wraps her and plops her beloved pacifier back in. She is content, but awake. He goes back to bed. He starts snoring. She is munching happily on her little orange pacie. Mommy lays awake until she begrudgingly gets up to start her day.

Cue traffic. Lots of it. 495 is backed up. So I go Route 2 to 95. Thats a mess. An hour and a half later I arrive at work and stop to grab a coffee. Dunkin Donuts made my coffee wrong. Not just a little wrong, but wicked wrong. Like asking for a French Vanilla with skim milk and no sugar, and getting a pumpkin coffee with EXTRA FREAKING CREAM and like 12 sugars. I gagged. I went back in and had them make me a new one, something I never do. Next go? Regular coffee. Begrudgingly, I accept it. I head in to work. Someone bumps into me while walking into my office, and my hot coffee spills down my shirt. Fantastic. A couple of paper towels later, I look somewhat normal. I head into my office and throw on the light. And guess what? There is a massive freaking spider chilling on the window. And because its on the outside, I can’t get it to move. Its just sitting there, looking at me. I know its looking at me. Now its eating a bug. Great.

Its not even 11, and all I want to do is pretend this day never existed. Seriously. Mondays are like Karma days. I cut someone off on Friday, now Monday is all I’m Gonna Get You My Pretty! Screw this. I want my bed.

Sincerely,

A wicked annoyed, coffee-drenched woman who can’t help but stare at the massive spider on her window.

Hell: A Thought on Mondays

Hell: A Thought on Mondays

Juggling my day to day life is normally something I can do on autopilot. I am a fairly busy woman with a two year old who loves to test her limits. That being said, there are days that things just seem to be too much. This type of day occurred yesterday, which of course was a Monday.

It began with traffic. Not just any traffic, but Interstate 495 traffic. Any of you who have been to Massachusetts and driven on this cursed highway know my strife. Although it is not the worst highway, it is definitely one of them.

Two hours I sat in my car to travel the 39 miles to work. Normally, I can do this in 35 minutes without issue. Not yesterday, no it took much longer. I spent an hour and half of it traveling the last 19.7 miles. That’s an average of 13mph. Do you know what that does to a driver like me? Infuriates them, that’s what. I become obsessively territorial and never let anyone merge into my lane, it makes me hate everyone driving on the other side of the highway going 75mph with ease; oh and let’s not forget how it causes me to spew fire.

Yes, it was an awful start to my morning, which was only further soured by Dunkin Donuts getting my order wrong. Not even partially wrong, I mean seriously wrong. Like the type of wrong that has you scratching your head trying to figure how just how they could have possibly gotten it this wrong. Nope, not a good morning at all.

I breezed into my office with my attempt at hiding my scowl in hopes that I could retire to my cubicle and hide away until lunch and repair my mood. I would have effectively reached my happy level by noon. But oh the universe was against me this day, this awful, wretched Monday! Despite my obvious scowl and clear look of “leave me alone” I am at once bombarded with chaos. Not just normal work day chaos, but complete, and utter chaos. Nothing, it seems, had gone right that day for anyone.

“I need this… I need that… Do this… Do that… Did you forget… Did you forget to remind me…” and so on and so on.  Instead of breathing easy by noon, I was foaming at the mouth and nursing a severe headache.

I know what you’re thinking. Man that sounds like a bad day, but it can only get better from there. Shush. Don’t think. That optimism has no place in my bad Monday blog post! It did not get better, it got worse. Ten times worse! A hundred times even! I would say a thousand, but you get the point.

So what could possibly have happened to make it such an awful day? The electric company happened. Now normally, this would not upset me, but it could not have occurred at a worse time. At promptly twelve thirty, our power went out. My lunch was at 00:17 seconds into its 02:30 minute cooking time. Along with the power went the Air Conditioning. Did I mention it was wicked humid out? My office building jumped 10 degrees in about seven minutes. They are cheap as it is so the AC wasn’t even on a good level to begin with.

It never came back on. For two hours we were not allowed to leave. We had to wait and see. After all, the internet still worked and we all have laptops. It was the rule of thumb that once your laptop died, you could go home. Of course this meant everyone turned up their brightness and played the most energy consuming video they could find. Me? Nope. I could not go home. Remember how I said I was meeting with my doctor come Monday to discuss the whole overweight thing? Yeah, that was in the opposite direction of my home. I would have had to drive that 39 miles back home, just to walk in, give the fiancé and nugget (daughter) a kiss before jumping back in my car and driving 59.8 miles to my doctor’s office. I chose this specific doctor because how close they were to my work. Silly me why would I do such a thing?

So I sat there, in my dark little cubicle for another hour playing Tiny Tower on my phone – Awful game, but horridly addicting. The clock strikes three and I leap up and skip to the door and make my merry way to the doctors where I get totally amped up to lose weight and be healthy. Then she says with an irksome smile, “Great! We will get started after your laps and next appointment. My calendar is booked until November.”

Seriously? I have to wait until November to lose weight? This is where I envision myself throwing a massive hissy fit in my mind, meanwhile in reality I calmly smile and say “That sounds great! Thank you!”

What happens next? Well this horrid driver gets back behind the wheel and drives 1.2 miles before having to slam on her brakes. Guess what it was? I bet you won’t guess it. No, it wasn’t an animal. It was… wait for it…. TRAFFIC! More traffic! As if my day needed any more traffic! It then proceeded to take me another lovely two hours to get home. It was great. The only thing that kept me from spewing the foulest curses imaginable was the fact that the radio was playing great songs. Instead I opened the windows, and belted out the songs in my awful, tone-deaf voice. I am sure I made quite the sight, dancing to my music with my gigantic sun glasses in my little white corolla. Did I mention I am tone-deaf? Oh well, it gave them something to laugh at for two hours.

When at last my little corolla pulled into my garage and I entered my nice cool apartment, I felt myself cringing at what would greet me. I had horrible visions of my child running amuck like they usually do, with my poor fiancé running behind her with a look of exhaustion and panic. I debated on taking a walk before heading in, but I was starving. Instead, I opened the door hesitantly. I was greeted with a sparkling clean apartment, a reheated, but delicious dinner and a ice cold cherry coke zero. I kicked off my heels and dove in, famished since the power outage stole my chance at lunch. My fantastic fiancé even knew better than to ask me how my day was. Once I had successfully put on three pounds by inhaling my pasta, the fiancé and I curled up on the couch with Kayla. This time, it only took a few minutes to reach my happy level.

As we put Kayla to bed, after reading her an incredibly long bed time story, I promptly forgot about the woes of my day. Then I woke up late and remembered how much the universe hates me.