Am I a selfish mom?

I am proud to be a working mom, I will start with that. I am proud that I can help provide for my family and work towards giving them a better future. But I will not lie, sometimes it sucks. Its not just the time away from my kids that gets to me, but also the feelings of my children. Do you have any idea how much it annoys me that I am not my eldest daughter’s favorite? I feel like mom should always be top rung. I mean come on, I only have a few happy years with her before she morphs into a teenager and suddenly I am the enemy, right?

While my daughter is a huge daddy’s girl, he is also not the center of her world. It is Nannie, her grandmother, and my mother, that she idolizes most. I actually do love the relationship between them, and I am thrilled that my daughter has this love for my mother, but boy do I get insanely jealous. I know I know… nobody tops grandma because they get to spoil them rotten. Still, it drives me nuts.  There is a proverb that fits this pretty well. “What the daughter does, the mother did.” I am pretty fond of my Nannie too, so I guess I should have seen this coming.

No matter how I rationalize it, it still makes me jealous! At the same time, I am not about to spoil her to get some love. I mean it makes sense for her to prefer her Nannie, because Nannie gives her cookies and lollipops (as she should), and then mommy makes her wait until after dinner to eat them. To a three year old, this is the most horrible punishment in existence. Believe me, the meltdowns I have witnessed over this very scenario should be videotaped. Maybe next time I will…

Kayla and her Nannie, picking blueberries!

Kayla and her Nannie, picking blueberries!

And I know what your going to say, that deep down mommy is always number one. Be that as it may, it doesn’t usually feel like it.

With my newest daughter, however, I am her favorite. This makes me want to dance, and do a very immature “Na na na na nah!” towards my mother while sticking out my tongue. Hey… I don’t actually do it! It just flashes up in my mind every now and then. Still, I view it as a mini victory as a working mom. Since I work long hours all week, my husband is with our children during the day as he works weekends. He gets to spend a the majority of his time with them. Despite that, I am still the one Maddy smiles at most, the one she coos at, and the one that she is most happy with. She will let other people hold her… for a while. Then she cries and wants mommy again. Even Nannie and Daddy. Ah, the feeling of joy that washes over me is spectacular.

Do you, working moms, worry about your children’s feelings? Do you, stay at home moms, experience this too?

And lastly, am I selfish to want my children to like me best? (The answer to that is probably yes, but oh well I am selfish then!)